Education is a marathon, not a sprint
Lesley-Anne's math common test is today. This test is crucial because the grade will form part of the assessment for DSA. As you probably know by now, math is the subject I'm most concerned about for Lesley-Anne, not because she doesn't know her work but because she's so prone to careless mistakes.
We've been struggling with the same issue (notice I said "we"!) for three years now and it doesn't seem to have improved much. So I'd told myself that she just has to perform her best and whatever will be, will be. But then last week, I had a sudden irrational attack of kancheong-ness and decided to set her a few sums for revision because I figured if she did badly for the test, I'd be kicking myself for not doing more.
As a result, we had one of our classic Mum-Lesley-Anne blow ups. I had only set her a few sums but she managed to make several careless mistakes. Which led to screeching (me), tears (her), sulking (her) and head-on-wall banging (me). I'm at my wit's end because it seems like in her case, practice doesn't make perfect. In fact, that incident probably just made her more nervous. And I was thinking, this is only April and I'm already so tired. How to tahan until PSLE?
Then Lilian happened to mention that a friend's daughter, who is homeschooled and also taking her PSLE this year, is so stressed that the skin is peeling from her soles and she's having ulcers. You see? It's the system! Even homeschooler also not spared! I've talked to enough parents to know that if you're in the Singapore education system, you WILL be kancheong. Cannot escape.
A case in point: I have a friend who's the most laid-back parent I know. Before his son entered p1, he was the biggest critic of kiasu parents - his take was, why succumb to the pressure? There are more important things in childhood like learning how to fish and play soccer. Tuition is over-rated. And so on. By the time his son was halfway through p1, he was completely stressed out by calls from the teacher that his son could not keep up with the work. He quit his job, coached his son at home and sent him to Kumon for maths tuition. The last time we met, he told me that he had discovered a great method for explaining maths models and that his son had scored 94/100 for his maths test. You see? Cannot escape! I'm not very gracious, I did the "I told you so" routine.
But having said that, I've always maintained that the education journey is a marathon, not a sprint. What I mean is that our children's education will last anything from 12 to 18 years. Yet we don't often think beyond the next exam. Instead of focusing on study skills, we usually zoom in on last-minute cramming.
Of course it's easier said than done. When my kids do badly for a test, I can't help feeling disappointed. But I have to remind myself what I keep telling others - marathon, not sprint. Honestly, in 5 years' time, would you care that your kid didn't ace his math CA1 paper in p2? What's more important is that in 5 years, your child still enjoys learning and has not become so demoralised or disheartened that he totally hates school. This is very real - when I hear about parents putting extreme pressure or setting unrealistically ambitious targets for their kids ("must get 100 marks for every paper!"), I wonder whether they realise they are doing more harm than good.
Exams are important. But if we take a step back and think about it, no one single exam is EVERYTHING in the entire journey of life. Yes, even the PSLE. We all want our kids to be in the best schools, to be in the best class, to be in the best programme. But looking at the whole scheme of things, even if they didn't, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Really. If you look around, many of the adults we admire today never went to the top schools and probably had done badly in some exam or other.
At the end of the day, no one singular path can guarantee our success in life (however we define success) and certainly not one school or one programme. So I'm now reminding myself (again!) to get some perspective over the stress I'm facing with Lesley-Anne. Yesterday, she initiated revision for the test on her own and I'm comforted by that. I have to allow her to take responsibility for her own studies and to do the best she can, nothing more. Train our kids for the marathon, not the sprint. If you let push them to go too fast too soon, they will only run out of steam.
We've been struggling with the same issue (notice I said "we"!) for three years now and it doesn't seem to have improved much. So I'd told myself that she just has to perform her best and whatever will be, will be. But then last week, I had a sudden irrational attack of kancheong-ness and decided to set her a few sums for revision because I figured if she did badly for the test, I'd be kicking myself for not doing more.
As a result, we had one of our classic Mum-Lesley-Anne blow ups. I had only set her a few sums but she managed to make several careless mistakes. Which led to screeching (me), tears (her), sulking (her) and head-on-wall banging (me). I'm at my wit's end because it seems like in her case, practice doesn't make perfect. In fact, that incident probably just made her more nervous. And I was thinking, this is only April and I'm already so tired. How to tahan until PSLE?
Then Lilian happened to mention that a friend's daughter, who is homeschooled and also taking her PSLE this year, is so stressed that the skin is peeling from her soles and she's having ulcers. You see? It's the system! Even homeschooler also not spared! I've talked to enough parents to know that if you're in the Singapore education system, you WILL be kancheong. Cannot escape.
A case in point: I have a friend who's the most laid-back parent I know. Before his son entered p1, he was the biggest critic of kiasu parents - his take was, why succumb to the pressure? There are more important things in childhood like learning how to fish and play soccer. Tuition is over-rated. And so on. By the time his son was halfway through p1, he was completely stressed out by calls from the teacher that his son could not keep up with the work. He quit his job, coached his son at home and sent him to Kumon for maths tuition. The last time we met, he told me that he had discovered a great method for explaining maths models and that his son had scored 94/100 for his maths test. You see? Cannot escape! I'm not very gracious, I did the "I told you so" routine.
But having said that, I've always maintained that the education journey is a marathon, not a sprint. What I mean is that our children's education will last anything from 12 to 18 years. Yet we don't often think beyond the next exam. Instead of focusing on study skills, we usually zoom in on last-minute cramming.
Of course it's easier said than done. When my kids do badly for a test, I can't help feeling disappointed. But I have to remind myself what I keep telling others - marathon, not sprint. Honestly, in 5 years' time, would you care that your kid didn't ace his math CA1 paper in p2? What's more important is that in 5 years, your child still enjoys learning and has not become so demoralised or disheartened that he totally hates school. This is very real - when I hear about parents putting extreme pressure or setting unrealistically ambitious targets for their kids ("must get 100 marks for every paper!"), I wonder whether they realise they are doing more harm than good.
Exams are important. But if we take a step back and think about it, no one single exam is EVERYTHING in the entire journey of life. Yes, even the PSLE. We all want our kids to be in the best schools, to be in the best class, to be in the best programme. But looking at the whole scheme of things, even if they didn't, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Really. If you look around, many of the adults we admire today never went to the top schools and probably had done badly in some exam or other.
At the end of the day, no one singular path can guarantee our success in life (however we define success) and certainly not one school or one programme. So I'm now reminding myself (again!) to get some perspective over the stress I'm facing with Lesley-Anne. Yesterday, she initiated revision for the test on her own and I'm comforted by that. I have to allow her to take responsibility for her own studies and to do the best she can, nothing more. Train our kids for the marathon, not the sprint. If you let push them to go too fast too soon, they will only run out of steam.
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