English composition part2

For the first time yesterday, I learnt from Lesley-Anne that they are only given 1 hr 10 mins to write both the situational writing and continuous writing compositions in an exam (I know, I know, sotong mum again). I was astounded. No wonder she seems to make an abundance of punctuation and spelling mistakes because once again, there's a time crunch. Let's say they take 15 mins to do the situational writing piece, then they're left with under an hour, during which time they're expected to think of a story, plan, write it out in a coherent and interesting manner, and check? Wow.

Anyway, as promised, I'm posting one of the compositions Lesley-Anne did this year. This composition is Lesley-Anne's best (in terms of marks) to date. She came home and told me excitedly that she had gotten 30/40 - it was significant to her because it was the first time she had hit the 30 mark threshold. Up to that point, I had hardly read her compositions *blush* so when I read this one, I was pleasantly surprised and immediately struck by the fact that her use of the English language had become more sophisticated compared to a year ago.

This was the picture, followed by the composition (again, reproduced in its original form with mistakes):


My Mischevious Side

As I walked into the barber's with my Mom to wait for my turn for a haircut, I had a flashback to the day where I showed my mischevious side. No doubt I was given a tongue-lashing and was punished after that incident. No, it is not an elaborate prank I performed. It only involved a pair of scissors.

That school day, I walked into class to find a huge crowd gathering around Jane, my classmate. I guessed that she was probably showing off again as usual. I was right. When it comes to this kind of things, I usually am.

I really hated Jane. She is just a show-off. I recalled an incident where she was the only person in the class who got an 'A' for her essay. During recess, she walked around the class showing every single person her essay. Not only that, she passed off comments like "See? I'm the only person to get an 'A'. Then again, it's nothing out of the ordinary when I'm gifted with good looks and of course, smarts".

My thoughts were interuppted when the school bell rang, signalling the start of lessons. By the way, if you are wondering what Jane was bragging about this morning, it was her new haircut which supposedly was done by the best hairdresser in town.

At this moment, Mr Eng, our art teacher, came in. After the class settled down, he started teaching us how to make a collaige. Soon, everyone was lining up to get the art materials provided. As I was lining up, I saw Jane strutting down the classroom with her art materials, flicking her inky, black hair in the process. Seriously, why does she do that? She is just plain irritating.

When we all had our art materials, we got down to work. Jane, who sat beside me, starting cutting her white paper neatly into strips. As I looked at my black piece of paper, I imagined Jane flicking her hair about but shook the image out of my mind. When I was about to cut it, a mischevious idea came into my mind.

I picked up my scissors and... "Snip!" This was followed by an ear-piercing scream echoing throughout the class. As I looked at that thick lock of hair on the ground, I grinned.

However, my grin was wiped of my face when the teacher approached. "What happened?" he asked in a worried tone. Before I could even open my mouth to explain, Jane shouted "This horrid boy cut off my hair! Oh my beautiful hair! It had to be cut off by this monster!"

The expression on the teacher's face changed. My, my! If looks could kill, I would be lying in a coffin right now.

Now, it is obvious what happened next. I was given a harsh scolding and a long lecture. Even when I mentioned how vain Jane was, the teacher gave me another long lecture about tolerance. However, I gave in and even felt repentent. I apologised to Jane, not expecting her to forgive me. This was one rare occasion when I was wrong.

I was shocked. "Why?" I said, my eyes growing as big as dinner plates. She replied "You can't expect a good girl like me who has all the character traits in the world to not be forgiving? Won't Mom be proud! I even forgave a monster like you!"

Sigh. Looks like she was still vain Jane. I wanted to shout that she lacked the character trait called humility, but I controlled myself. However, being an optimist, I found a silver lining in this cloud. I had learnt about thinking before I act and I learnt to be tolerant.

I came back to earth as I heard the barber call my name. I walked over to him, the events of that day still lingering in my mind.


In p6, there is no evaluation form attached with the composition. Instead, the teacher writes her comments at the end of the compositions. Here's what she wrote for this particular one:

• gd! Consistent use of characterisation to drive the plot
• gd to see you using foreshadowing and building suspense
• some apt use of vocabulary but continue to work on use of expressions
• where possible, paragraph dialogue
• gd use of paragraphing
• watch spelling
• gd effort!

Again, the comments refer to the specific use of literary elements, which is constructive. Thereafter, the kids have to write a reflection after, detailing both their strengths and where they can improve in terms of plot, use of language and characterisation.

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