.
I feel terrible, actually. Haha. Just, let me blog a little.
Idk why. What fuck is wrong with me. Didn't I let go? Did I ? Or he was just away so I couldn't see everything I have towards him ?
When I told him to f off, when I told him to leave, I accept it. I totally do. Of course, even tho deep down, he's a fucking important person in my life.
When he approached me, I talked to him calmly. I can feel every bit of his concerns, that sincerity. But he has to look me in the eye and accept me deleting him off my life. He has to watch me delete him off my priority list, cuz I can't even show anymore!
Then he realizes how painful it is to remain in contact with me. And he'd go. He has to go. And I have no reason to make him stay, because. He'll be better not knowing me anymore.
It still kills me when he says, "Eventually, I'll disappear from your life, bit by bit."
It kills, and I have to let him go, I have to pretend that I'm so happy with him leaving. I have to be cold as ice. I have to be firm, and look at the bigger picture.
Look how broken he is. And I can only sit here, do nothing.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry that I can't ask you to stay anymore.
I'm so sorry that I can never make you feel better anymore.
I'm so sorry that I became your root of sorrow, instead of happiness.
I'm a very very terrible person. We had a small meet up just because you knew how fucked up I am, and you're here to help. You're here to make me better. And this is what I did to you.
I'm so sorry that I couldn't tell you that I NEVER removed our photos. I never meant to lose the earphones. I didn't mean to pretend that it didn't hurt at all.
It's fucking hell, you know. Cuz I remember everything too.
I'll always care. I'll always load your stories first. But I will never tell you. For that, I'm truly sorry.
I have to put on a show after all, right?
Idk why. What fuck is wrong with me. Didn't I let go? Did I ? Or he was just away so I couldn't see everything I have towards him ?
When I told him to f off, when I told him to leave, I accept it. I totally do. Of course, even tho deep down, he's a fucking important person in my life.
When he approached me, I talked to him calmly. I can feel every bit of his concerns, that sincerity. But he has to look me in the eye and accept me deleting him off my life. He has to watch me delete him off my priority list, cuz I can't even show anymore!
Then he realizes how painful it is to remain in contact with me. And he'd go. He has to go. And I have no reason to make him stay, because. He'll be better not knowing me anymore.
It still kills me when he says, "Eventually, I'll disappear from your life, bit by bit."
It kills, and I have to let him go, I have to pretend that I'm so happy with him leaving. I have to be cold as ice. I have to be firm, and look at the bigger picture.
Look how broken he is. And I can only sit here, do nothing.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry that I can't ask you to stay anymore.
I'm so sorry that I can never make you feel better anymore.
I'm so sorry that I became your root of sorrow, instead of happiness.
I'm a very very terrible person. We had a small meet up just because you knew how fucked up I am, and you're here to help. You're here to make me better. And this is what I did to you.
I'm so sorry that I couldn't tell you that I NEVER removed our photos. I never meant to lose the earphones. I didn't mean to pretend that it didn't hurt at all.
It's fucking hell, you know. Cuz I remember everything too.
I'll always care. I'll always load your stories first. But I will never tell you. For that, I'm truly sorry.
I have to put on a show after all, right?
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