.

I noticed, people don't usually notice when I'm all fucked up inside. Haha. Why?

On the dining table, when we're trying to have a nice conversation. Suddenly, mom got sensitive over some wrong topics. What do I do? I'd be changing the topic, louder and an entertaining one. It doesn't always work, but it worked most of the times. Then dad and sis would smile to me, cuz they know my motives.

Well sometimes I don't work that way. Sometimes when I got affected too, hah. So dead. I killed the situation more than how it was originally screwed. I think I'm probably evil. Or idk, idk. I'm such a bad kid I told moon to bring me out of the house. Running away wasn't always bad. Sometimes they need time away from me, this me full of negativity. Sometimes I need time away from people to chill and find that me again, so I could return and fix things.

Well sometimes, they trigger me. Before I could say anything mean and stupid, I'd have to leave the table. "H, answer my question." It doesn't matter anymore, mom. Since it's cancelled.

Tomorrow there's a mcd near the kfc we're going right? Can I get mcflurry?
Sure.

Full of rage. I swear I was counting, please don't lose it. Please don't lose it. My friends deserve better impression from my parents. So I have to be a good kid. Disappointed, but don't show it. Leave.

I succeeded changing the topic. Hah. It seems like I'm probably ok to cancel a plan I've longed for. I'm fucking happy to cancel it, dad! Hah. Thanks for approving then disapproving. I'm definitely so happy to tell them.

Change a topic, put smile emojis and they'd think you're fucking fine.

I love the fact how easy it is to do this shit.

The best one was still, laughing over the phone. Literally, in tears.

Look. I called, to let you know that I'm okay.
And you believed, so thank you.

Fake it till you make it. They pretend that everything is ok until everything is eventually ok. Or... Is that so???

It's cool how we can literally burst out tears, but sound completely fine, and even laugh! Laugh. That day, wow. It's cool how we can pretend and pretend, and pretend, but someone would notice. They'd keep it inside, to coordinate with your act. Another day when you're better, they'd try to talk about it.

The best people in life.

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