Woman's doubles
Yesterday I ruined a night, doing nothing. I spammed, I blogged. Wood was right about when you're feeling vulnerable, the people that see a chance would straight approach. He was the one who approached. I'm gonna admit. I thought we were okay. I told him how fucked up my mind was, about studies and about my stupid love life. Then he said, I need help. Then I said, I need to talk to him(mainly bout the studies part). We were pretty much okay, then we talked about recent stuff.
Guess what, wood, I have a woman doubles competition tomorrow. So he got interested to coach me. I took some time to make a decision, and at last, "Come bah." We were okay. He said, he needs to bring me to have a pre-competition meal. So okay. We had this so milo ish meal that he claimed "Full protein meal." Wow. I'm full, wood. I can't finish this. Really. Can you help? He took a look at my nails, then felt my pulse, and said "weak pulse, and the nails tells that something's wrong with my digestion, that's probably why you couldn't finish the meal, I eat twice this portion." He said I used to eat so much. The first time I treated him lunch, we ordered spaghetti carbonara, a huge pizza and mash potatoes. His memory was fucking good, I think it sucks to be him. Yeah I used to eat that much, but now it's not like that. Wood. I changed. I'm dying hahahahha.
Good then, I'll live short. I'll finish my degree, get into the working world for awhile, then die. Exactly my plan. Maybe when I was so fucked up and depressed, I spoke to myself, I want to die younger. I want to die immediately. I want to die right now, right now! Maybe, my wish was heard. That's why, I'm living life freely, crazily. I'm great. He disagreed, and said there was something wrong with my thinking, that's why we need long talk tomorrow. Ugh, he thinks something's wrong with me and it can be fixed? LOL I can't be fixed! Definitely, something's wrong with me. But I accept it this way. Something's wrong with me, but it can be bearable. Help me, don't help me. I can't be helped. I'm ruined. Haha. Deep talks get scary, and makes me speechless. I was already nervous when eating. Then I brought him to tour the campus. We were like, friends. Great friends. Everything went so well. He was snapping videos. Lastly, we got to the hall. Then there goes woman's doubles.
Woman's doubles
First match was versus sukma girl and another state player. It was no hope, but we tried playing against them few weeks back and we did averagely. So it was actually.... not that hopeless. I was nervous, duh. Damn nervous. Wood was behind, giving loads of instructions. Hit it low, don't be nervous, chill out. Do what we practiced just now. Great. (It was encouraging. It really was, he didn't stress me out and I was surprised) The second set was much better as there was actually.. some interactions between my partner and I. "You two are finally working together. Yeah that's right. Your opponents are underestimating you, that's why you can get 21-19. You could've won them too." He's a good coach. Trust me. We played much better each shot, and was catching up shot by shot consecutively. It was... something I'd say impossible if he wasn't there.
There was four matches, wood stayed for three. He watched us lost first round and won the next two easily. Then my friends, shell and stomata were here to watch us play the fourth. It was versus the girl that we played against in first round mixed doubles. So I got nervous, again. Haha. I'm gonna say, I was in such a great form even tho my legs were slightly shaking OMG, I didn't even made any mistakes in my servings. Never underestimate your opponent. Respect is playing without assuming they couldn't take the shot, end up us taking every shot less seriously. But then, I wonder, do they feel that way? I took every shot seriously I felt a little mean, was I? Like when it was high at the net, is it really okay to hit each and every one of them sharp onto the floor? Is it okay to smash every opportunity? I don't know. I wonder how the audience think.
We won, there was huge score gap, but that doesn't matter. We got second runner up, which is the 2nd place. My very very first second runner up in my life! It was great. But I found myself dozing off at the last match. Shell and stomata was behind us when we played. I was starring everywhere, into the audience. Is he there? Actually. I felt like it was nice to have supporters. As long as they don't act crazily to embarrass me, it was really nice. It was great when there's someone being excited to each score we gained. But he wasn't there.
Idk, maybe because of yesterday. That I screwed up a night. I deserve it haha.
Wood went mad after leaving. He always went mad when we text each other, it feels like I couldn't see his face and he couldn't see mine, so there's always misunderstandings. Maybe this is another huge reason we broke up. I'm glad moon showed up then. Wood was okay too then. I'm glad everything was okay, that I can enjoy just once, of what we earned.
Sometimes, we can miss things but we gotta know not to want them. Wood thinks I don't believe him that he changed. He thinks that I assume he's the one that's gonna restrain me from doing many stuff.
No.... I believe him, of course I believe him. But I changed too, you know. Look at me dying. Was I like this? Attitude, thoughts, health, was I like this? I'm different too, the kind of different that I don't think anyone can handle. This is the reason I push them away. The past, the present. There's no future in me. You left me for a reason. Even if, you think you've settled the issue, it's not even the issue anymore. I changed to a big piece of shit. Hahah.
How can I love someone, if I can't even love the me I've become? Time is this scary. It sucks. Pineapple, it sucks to break someone. Maybe you guys don't want me, maybe the present of me being this fucked up piece of shit makes you feel much better about your lives. Maybe I'm too fucked up that you feel the need to put my pieces back together, while I want it to stay this way.
I wish my life can be simple.
Conclusion, yip man, don't curse yourself to die young. Please. I wish you can have a normal life. I'm the best example of a failure. I wish you live long and happy. Purely like that.
fuck why am I so down. Hahah. I probably need cheese.
Guess what, wood, I have a woman doubles competition tomorrow. So he got interested to coach me. I took some time to make a decision, and at last, "Come bah." We were okay. He said, he needs to bring me to have a pre-competition meal. So okay. We had this so milo ish meal that he claimed "Full protein meal." Wow. I'm full, wood. I can't finish this. Really. Can you help? He took a look at my nails, then felt my pulse, and said "weak pulse, and the nails tells that something's wrong with my digestion, that's probably why you couldn't finish the meal, I eat twice this portion." He said I used to eat so much. The first time I treated him lunch, we ordered spaghetti carbonara, a huge pizza and mash potatoes. His memory was fucking good, I think it sucks to be him. Yeah I used to eat that much, but now it's not like that. Wood. I changed. I'm dying hahahahha.
Good then, I'll live short. I'll finish my degree, get into the working world for awhile, then die. Exactly my plan. Maybe when I was so fucked up and depressed, I spoke to myself, I want to die younger. I want to die immediately. I want to die right now, right now! Maybe, my wish was heard. That's why, I'm living life freely, crazily. I'm great. He disagreed, and said there was something wrong with my thinking, that's why we need long talk tomorrow. Ugh, he thinks something's wrong with me and it can be fixed? LOL I can't be fixed! Definitely, something's wrong with me. But I accept it this way. Something's wrong with me, but it can be bearable. Help me, don't help me. I can't be helped. I'm ruined. Haha. Deep talks get scary, and makes me speechless. I was already nervous when eating. Then I brought him to tour the campus. We were like, friends. Great friends. Everything went so well. He was snapping videos. Lastly, we got to the hall. Then there goes woman's doubles.
Woman's doubles
First match was versus sukma girl and another state player. It was no hope, but we tried playing against them few weeks back and we did averagely. So it was actually.... not that hopeless. I was nervous, duh. Damn nervous. Wood was behind, giving loads of instructions. Hit it low, don't be nervous, chill out. Do what we practiced just now. Great. (It was encouraging. It really was, he didn't stress me out and I was surprised) The second set was much better as there was actually.. some interactions between my partner and I. "You two are finally working together. Yeah that's right. Your opponents are underestimating you, that's why you can get 21-19. You could've won them too." He's a good coach. Trust me. We played much better each shot, and was catching up shot by shot consecutively. It was... something I'd say impossible if he wasn't there.
There was four matches, wood stayed for three. He watched us lost first round and won the next two easily. Then my friends, shell and stomata were here to watch us play the fourth. It was versus the girl that we played against in first round mixed doubles. So I got nervous, again. Haha. I'm gonna say, I was in such a great form even tho my legs were slightly shaking OMG, I didn't even made any mistakes in my servings. Never underestimate your opponent. Respect is playing without assuming they couldn't take the shot, end up us taking every shot less seriously. But then, I wonder, do they feel that way? I took every shot seriously I felt a little mean, was I? Like when it was high at the net, is it really okay to hit each and every one of them sharp onto the floor? Is it okay to smash every opportunity? I don't know. I wonder how the audience think.
We won, there was huge score gap, but that doesn't matter. We got second runner up, which is the 2nd place. My very very first second runner up in my life! It was great. But I found myself dozing off at the last match. Shell and stomata was behind us when we played. I was starring everywhere, into the audience. Is he there? Actually. I felt like it was nice to have supporters. As long as they don't act crazily to embarrass me, it was really nice. It was great when there's someone being excited to each score we gained. But he wasn't there.
Idk, maybe because of yesterday. That I screwed up a night. I deserve it haha.
Wood went mad after leaving. He always went mad when we text each other, it feels like I couldn't see his face and he couldn't see mine, so there's always misunderstandings. Maybe this is another huge reason we broke up. I'm glad moon showed up then. Wood was okay too then. I'm glad everything was okay, that I can enjoy just once, of what we earned.
Sometimes, we can miss things but we gotta know not to want them. Wood thinks I don't believe him that he changed. He thinks that I assume he's the one that's gonna restrain me from doing many stuff.
No.... I believe him, of course I believe him. But I changed too, you know. Look at me dying. Was I like this? Attitude, thoughts, health, was I like this? I'm different too, the kind of different that I don't think anyone can handle. This is the reason I push them away. The past, the present. There's no future in me. You left me for a reason. Even if, you think you've settled the issue, it's not even the issue anymore. I changed to a big piece of shit. Hahah.
How can I love someone, if I can't even love the me I've become? Time is this scary. It sucks. Pineapple, it sucks to break someone. Maybe you guys don't want me, maybe the present of me being this fucked up piece of shit makes you feel much better about your lives. Maybe I'm too fucked up that you feel the need to put my pieces back together, while I want it to stay this way.
I wish my life can be simple.
Conclusion, yip man, don't curse yourself to die young. Please. I wish you can have a normal life. I'm the best example of a failure. I wish you live long and happy. Purely like that.
fuck why am I so down. Hahah. I probably need cheese.
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