.

No, no. Don't let him affect you. Honestly! Why things have to change whenever I think it's getting better??? So once you settle down and be happy about how great things went, shits come popping out and prove you wrong. Perfect! Totally the reason I've fucked up every opportunity to have a great day.

I told pineapple my situation. I told her, to not overthink about me and moon anymore. I told her that there's no more awkwardness or shits between me and wood anymore. She said, good. She said, my love life sucks. Hah. That is because I don't even want one.

It's ironic how people who have things don't want it and people who can't get it want them desperately. Or some would be spectators enjoying the show, laughing at your ass.

That was my fault. My subconscious told me to remove wood in my life, then this stupid me accepted his attempt to crawl back into my life. My fault for letting him again and again. My fault for thinking maybe, just a slight chance maybe there was still hope in us. In us!!!!! How dumb can I be? Ignore, ignore him. Don't let him in. At the end, he still gets me. He gets me all the time. I was hoping the times that I need to mention him decrease bit by bit, at least negative ones. But now?

Yh listen to the voices. They meant to protect me from future shits. They don't want it to hurt me twice. Killing your pride for someone you love. Letting him take advantage of just me waiting patiently, with that treatment. How was that. Torturous. How can I stay sane!

"We're not broken just bent, I can fix this, I can win his heart back. I can wait for him. I can go tru this." How long ? Isn't that enough? It's enough to prove that HE'S NOT WORTH IT. YH he's not worth your time. Not anymore. He's the same, stop thinking that he's changed. These fantasies will always be fake. If removing him from my life means putting out the flame, I'd do that. I'm willing to.

Why do you wanna be single forever?
Because when you care, you get fucked up.

I have to stop letting him affect me. I have to stop having any slight hope. Kill it. How? At least he's cooperating. At least with him acting this way,,, I can do that.

I remember just after we broke up. I'd talk to him, and hope he tries to talk to me. I'd try to make things better. His words hurt a lot. How many times I've crawl into bed, hoping nobody could see me like this. How many times, I became moody and fierce just to mask how fucked up my eyes look after nights and nights being restless. Then I'd tell myself. "Yh, look. We're over. It's over. Accept it. He hates me, and he wouldn't bother how his words hurt. It's over. Stop crying and start moving on. "

Hours later, I tried again. And again. And again. I started telling myself, "Yh don't give up. He loves you. Remember the way he treated you. It's something, it's not gonna disappear this easily......"

A year! Now it's ONE AND A HALF YEARS. Isn't it enough? Aren't you exhausted? I am, wood. I gotta be that persistent, on giving up on you like how I used to not give up on you. I have to let go. It's been too long. It felt like years! One and a half years felt like its been so so long Idk how I've lived this long. But this gotta end.

I needa sleep. Shouldn't have replied your text. It was going well. Being friends with you was going fine, why did you do that??????? Thanks a lot. Okay.

Appreciation! After all you've did, and you seriously have no shame to talk about appreciation!!? What is wrong with you? What is wrong with me. What did I do. I stopped giving you the power to bring myself down just to please you! I said we're friends if you don't do this thing I hate. You did it, so what else do you expect? Me to tolerate this thing you do? Then ? You can do it over and over again. What is this?

Tell me what's wrong for me to react in a way you don't like, when you did the things I hated you doing. You knew. You knew and you did it anyway. Fine. Wood. You know what I hate how shitty it feels to need to give up on that little hope again. So much disappointments. Very much thank you. Once again, you've proven how useless it is, each time hoping for a better day ahead with your presence. Just leave me alone for good.

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