Trials

Sometimes I just sit there and think about what I did for the day. After all these years, is this all I can do? Let's not talk about math. I never worked hard on math. It seems impossible because I treated it as an impossible subject. It was never important to me.
What if I exclude math.

I still screwed up. Is there anything I can do slightly better than any other things?

Nope.

I can't seem to badminton anymore. I can't lob far enough cuz my arm has issues. I can't drop as nice as I used to. I can't net perfectly too. Everything I set in front gets tapped back. I'm not sure what to do already if I can't do those. High shots get smashed back down, and my defense sucks. Is there anything I can do? What is wrong with my drops?? What is wrong with my netting??

Bio was on monday. It was supposed to be my fav, my best subject. But what happened. I screwed up, I didn't do the thing I did best. Memorizing these was not an issue to me, but I didn't. I didn't, and that's the issue. I wasted too much time, on what? I duno. Everything that I couldn't do. I wasted time on everything stupid. To solve many of my own unnecessary bullshit. It's okay, I could pass that. Since when did I started aiming a pass???

I left pure math paper blank. I think I can say that. Others were bullshit that I don't even think any equations made sense. I was just sitting there, head was like after some alcohol. I don't wanna do this. I can't do this. It's just a paper don't let it get me. And then, times up. I screwed up. Over and over again. Honestly I wanna stab myself during the paper. Jaclyn was in front. She's such a nice person. For letting me put my 700^ badminton stuff in the class.

And I can't even badminton. I can't do well on A levels. I can't badminton. I can't live a normal life like normal humans. I can't even think of the reasons I'm living now.

Live for the people who care. Who cares? Wtf. Everyone cares when something happens. But that's like five minutes, so disappearing wouldn't do anyone harm. No one cares. Family do. Live for family. But I can't even do anything useful. What can I contribute? More like burden and burden, and burden.

Sleep well, so you have energy to kick trials' ass.

Wood. Why do you care? Thank you for being nice to me these few days hah. Idk what am I supposed to feel. Idk why I started customizing your notifications again. But seeing your name didn't stress me out as it did before anymore.

Seriously. Can I die?? Should I just give up on this and do something simple? Can I run away from this? Why humans evolve and create so much shit? We could've lived like a caveman and just.... Be fucking peaceful and dumb. Why the fuck.

Share this post