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It's 2am. Honestly I want to convince myself that... I'm awake because my hair hasn't dry yet. I'm not thinking about anything. But I really am thinking about stuff.
I can't believe how hyper I was just now. Excited for many things without a reason. Why? Tomorrow there's a friendly match. Then at night I MIGHT be able to date yip man. Let's see how things go. But at the other side, I'm worried. Grandpa's condition is getting bad. They told us to be prepared. So we're gonna prepare to ffk anyone. Ffk anyone... If anything goes wrong, tomorrow's tbc date would be cancelled. I might not attend friendly match. I might skip training. I might...... Skip loong squad's badminton session. I might cancel everything I've planned.
Honestly I don't feel much. It's like I've accepted how life would go. Everyone are brought into the world to explore, to learn, to contribute then leave. We all are gonna go... I think everyone's pretty clear about how badly he's doing. Maybe that's the reason. The reason I would wanna appreciate whatever good is happening right now......
I'm actually imagining the entire July. Would grandpa get better for good? Can he just.. stand up and say "Holy fuck I'm feeling good." ? I was imagining next Friday. Maybe I'd have the urge to go F9 squad due to big guy? Maybe ET would still attend once awhile?
I feel bad about having orange left out from the trip plan. She's supposed to go. But shell and stomata wasn't really happy about the last time we went together because of her. Wait, I wasn't happy too but... This isn't right. I miss Arm, I'm excited for the trip, because we're gonna go meet him in Melaka! Damn, I really miss him. The one malay guy that sat next to me, that learned to speak loads of Chinese words from me. He's a smart guy.
What's gonna happen in Japan. This would be the first time ever, I'm flying with my family to another country for a trip! Fucking first time. I'm actually excited af. But feeling sad that we wouldn't get to see mimi. The cat. He died awhile ago. He was always there when aunt skyped us.
I'm excited about all the trips. But being away for three sundays? Not excited at all. I might go for degree in Aug. Pineapple too would go for degree in end of July or early Aug. If I spent the entire July on trips, it means lesser and lesser chances with her. This is so.... sad. And with Loong squad too. What would happen when I go for degree?
"YH! Wanna drink?"
Ever since Idk when, I'm not hearing it much anymore. From my guess, maybe because ET's with someone now, he gets less wild. And he'd keep the distance so his girl gets comfortable and secured. It's completely understandable, and sed. I'm gonna miss out Loong and moon's birthday. I'm sed. I'd like to see Loong drunk. It must be super fun.
The fun is ending... It's really ending. I guess we can see that so clearly. Or was it just me ? I haven't been drinking for at least ten days. Ok if drinking at home doesn't count. Good thing tho, cuz I'm getting fat. Their birthdays might be the last chance to ever get crazy before uni starts.
What's gonna happen when uni starts? Am I gonna befriend wood again? Are we gonna have a peaceful friendship? Or are we gonna be like strangers? He'd bring me for a tour, and tell me about the darkest secrets abt his uni. At least that was what he told me he'd do. But would he? Are we gonna play badminton together there? Or he'd watch me getting to know the people in the club, then being unhappy? He dislikes the members, due to political stuff. He said, I'll catch their attention because too little girls play. Would I stay antisocial with him or get social while watch him being antisocial? Am I gonna come back to pj every week like I wish? Are we gonna carpool or... I come back by train or anything? Will we keep in touch? Am I keeping in touch with ET squad, or Loong squad? How about moon. How about pineapple. And everyone else...
......
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