.

Focus. Even if shits happened and bothered you, focus on studies. Stop giving shit. He doesn't give shit so you don't too. Remember what happened the last time you give shit. A year of daily fucked ups. That wasn't an easy year. Don't repeat shits. Please.

You wait. Until when?? When you wait, and he knew, you'd wait until you die, and he'd not say anything. He'll appear when he finally sees you giving up, then desperately want you back.

You wait, until you give up.
Everyone cares when it's too late.

You know what happens during that waiting period? The mind speaks. I swear I won't give anymore shit. I swear, I will focus on my life and stop thinking bout what went wrong and what I'd have to fix but couldn't. I swear I will stop caring about anything and anyone once I've given up on him. I swear, I won't fall for anyone anymore. I swear, I will not give anyone else the power to destroy me like how I gave him.

I swear, when this ends, there will be no more.
Ok? Yh. Don't let anyone do that to you. Don't kill your pride for someone like that. Don't kill your pride for ANYONE.

The waiting period does all the change for me. It's like. A kind of way I adapt better. It's like evolving to a stronger creature. The survival of the fittest. I need to survive. Live or not, I need to survive. Don't expect me to evolve backwards. Don't expect me to just let shits kill me again and again, and not change me. Don't expect me to change back.

I know, I'm still like shit. When wood and I were together, every argument we had, I'd think, this is not good. This is not good. We've been together for how long, and look how extreme we fought. It's unhealthy, but... Maybe we can overcome that. Yeah we definitely can.

Well it's not the same anymore, ok? I don't have those positive maybe's. I have, "maybe you'll give up, and that's okay." It's not the same anymore.

This is my way, my way I survive.

We're not even together, and look how hard it is to communicate. Don't you think? Look at how hopeless I am. Accept it, and move on. You couldn't be with me. I couldn't be with you. My mind doesn't want you. It doesn't want anyone. Your existence won't change the way I think, it won't change how hopeless I am towards life. So don't like me. Don't like a dead person who loves to be on her own. I'm wonderful being alone, and I love it more and more each day. You can't change that. I can't change that. It's what I love. What can I do? It's how I adapt.

I hate bringing shits overnight. This means I couldn't be with you, since we can't settle things on that day. I can't possibly be with you, at all. It drives me mad. It kills me mind. It forces me to adapt and adapt. In other words, it makes me want to be alone more and more. It makes me swear not to fall for these traps even more. Do you get it?

Give up on me. Save me, can't you?

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