.

I screwed up. Idk if I should feel regret that I didn't get out of the class right after P5 cuz my eyes were tired af. I just sat there and rested them. I think it's a fucking waste for not doing well for P4. Cuz everything that came out was familiar. I knew shits. I know what happened during this mechanism, that mechanism. But it was just a little bit off. I needed one short flip tru and I should've known what to write. I left a few blank. Those that I have zero memory of them being in my notes. Fuck. I could've scored this, I could've scored that. What did I do yesterday?

Probably shouldn't put my phone next to me. I should've turned it off. I should've turned wifi off.

Who chilled that nervous ass of yours?
You did, I'm not kidding. Thanks.
Weellllll ok then.

Wood I wonder when did you started typing okays and ok's. Hahah I remember you sent K so often I felt so happy that one time you forgot to be cold. Patience can soften an exhausted soul I guess. I guess.

I'm glad I studied gene tech last night, so I managed to answer the essay question. 15 fucking marks. Wooo. I didn't fuck that part. I can get at least ten. Definitely. Maybe more than that? I wish I don't fail so bad. Cuz it's not worth screwing things up for anyone anymore.

I wanna run into a wall.
I wanna jump off a building. I wanna quit so so bad, so badly. Why do I always let myself think this way??

I fucked up. Everything. Life, exams, human relations. I fucked up. I couldn't talk to anyone. Everyone kills off my patience. The best I can do is "Please,, Just don't talk to me. " "Leave me alone." I'm so tired of living. I hate what I did. Is that necessary? Is it kind? Is it true? No, no, no. No to all three. Why do that?

Stay quiet. Stay the way like I'm a friend from fb. Stay that way then all will be good. Time will let us both know, this is not gonna be a lifetime thing. People come and go, it's just how things work. Let it be. It's NOT that heartbreaking! Why bother? It has to be, it's nature. What you would do to someone IS NOT equivalent to what they would do to you. So quit it. Cut the drama. Goodbye and be it.

I don't know how they think. Everyone cares when it's too late. He cares when I said I give up. I give up. I give up so stop coming back and confuse me. Don't come back. What do you want?? Do you feel awesome to get all the attention I gave? So you don't want me to stop. Then? What was that?

I don't understand. When I care, I try to think. What's with you. Are you done with me? If that's the issue then oh well, ok. I fix that shit. I failed? Fine, I go. It's not fixable? It's gonna go crazy if I look like I care? Fine, I'll not show then. I'll be ice then.

It's not fixable. Not everything is fixable. You try to do something nice, you get misunderstood. You try to stop with the overfriendly, they quit you. What do you do? You walk away quietly. You turn around you never go back. And when you turn around, they come back tapping your shoulders. They say you matter. They say you are important. How does that make sense? Are you only important when you turn around? Or what, when you give up? It's so ironic. Doesn't it?? It's so fucked up. I do hold grudges. I remember each time someone did something that stings a lot a lot. I do remember when knees and wrongs betrayed us. All the words wood said. How he let me go like that. I'll always remember what they say. I remember every bit of detail. I remember pain.

Cuz they made new voices. They are fucking loud. They say, do not let this happen anymore. You remember how painful that was right? Do not let that happen anymore. Remember this thing he did to you. Remember that you don't mean anything. See what he could do to you. See what he said to you. He doesn't care about how you live! He knew how much you care about him and that is what he did. He told you to fuck off. So when you give up, and he tries to be nice, don't be a fool and believe that. Don't believe it. Do not fall for it. It's a trap.

Voices will be made. They will go away, but do you know how hard that is? Care and you die.

If you have one intention, and you couldn't achieve that intention then you would make a clean cut, then tell me that. Tell me, everything was nothing cuz you were expecting something else. Just because I didn't meet your expectations so you wanna cut me off,,, tell me that too. Tell me directly. You can do that. It's gonna be a terrible day, but at least it's direct!!! Don't drag it, don't make it confusing. You wanna end it? End it. Friendships are scary. Everyone knows that. Don't have to force on yourselves.

I don't know what exactly do you want. What do you want?? Do you want a clean cut? Or badminton buddies? Or can we be friends? Or just nothing at all???? What?

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