.

My efficiency raised these few days. Was a long convo helpful? It definitely helped with my efficiency. But... how about all that shits?

Hahha.

Recently I can feel moon being lesser like usual. It's a good thing tho. I've been thinking, I wonder if you still read the blog. I wonder if you still this, still that.

Did the long convo helped?

It made me realize that I overreacted towards every single thing. It made me realize, I don't have to sit there for hours and hours just to think about what Ive done wrong and let guilt drown me. I don't have to. But did it still???

I have to be doing things. If not, I'm still gonna fuck myself up.

When the mind is not filled with bio and all those stuff, it's filled with loads of shits that make me feel better dead.

"I'm sorry I ruined everything.
I'm sorry for wasting your efforts.
I'm sorry for bringing negativity into your life.
I'm sorry for existing."

These things. Are scary.

Sometimes people let go before I do. Then it makes me the only one, still stucked there.

Sometimes something tells me, do not let go. You've done shits to someone. You deserve to have these words floating in your mind, whenever, wherever. You deserve to live in hell. Like this.

After some time I'd still be having the same shits in my head. Over and over again.

Aren't you tired?

I am. So? Doesn't mean I deserve to have that kind of peace.

What was the root of all problems?? What was the root of me starting to never let myself live in peace? I have to find that out. And I have to destroy it.

But what is it?

Am I going to live in peace?

Can I please free myself ?

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