.

What did you promised yourself.
Is it even doable?

When you feel like shit you finally decided to stay in bed all day. Then you slept too much you forgot how to fall asleep. Then midnight strikes, it's time to think.

Suddenly it's all back again.

I had to think hard to recall things that wood said, things that ET said. I need it again.

What is wrong with me? What am I doing with my life??

I missed wood so much but I made him nothing. I made him a guy that has zero power to do anything to kill me again.
Is that a good thing?

I appreciate moon's care so much but it pressures me so much that I start to feel distant. I start to feel like every single thing I did or he did doesn't feel right anymore. Now he's given up.
Is that what I want?

Wood what did you tell me. Saturation theory. Lemongrass will always be there. I can't. Lemongrass took over the whole fucking drink. Occasionally, I was normal. But I should make me occasionally taken over by lemongrass. It's the other way round.

ET what did you tell me. To give myself the life I deserve. To really live, not suvive. You both told me to live but not just survive. How?

I deserve no life. Even if I do, this is the life I deserve. If caring kills, I kill it too. I kill everything that wants to kill me. Didn't that sound great??

I'm sorry I couldn't just suddenly "turn normal." I guess I wasted your effort trying to help until 4.30am. I'm just... Hopeless you shouldn't even help.

What should I do? Give my hundred percent again and let's see how life kills again? Or give it a chance, risk it, and hope it turns out better?

What should I do? Go back to wood and let him kill me again?

That's pure stupid!!!!

Why am I unhappy. Can you tell? I've been trying so hard to figure it out but nothing works.
It's empty inside like some piece of me has been gone for so long Idk what's missing.

I wanna live. But it doesn't let me.

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