Fucking A2

I'd like to rant about everything. I'd like to rant about being sick in the middle of A2. I'd like to be proud that it did affect me but not that much. More like period, period affected even more. AT LEAST, being sick didn't make me sleep and sleep and sleep throughout the entire day. No, I shouldn't blame period. But. Period did fucked up. Two days could make huge difference. But what did I do? Yeah I did went out to play, to badminton. But that's all. Just a little bit of that, didn't affect anything. Period, fucking made me slept for two days.

I wouldn't mind if period is painless and wouldn't cause tiredness. I really wouldn't mind. I'm fucking pissed. There were a few questions, I did yesterday. I practiced integration, again and again, to make sure I really do know how to do. I practiced differentiation on fucking exponential functions. I could differentiate exponential functions, but not integrate. Why is that so different? I don't understand! I tried. I tried to understand, to practice more and more. But during the paper, I went blank. I literally forgotten how to integrate these fucked up monster looking equations. Fuck! Why???? The fuck. And what was that. What was that expanding shits wtf.

I was thinking, oh so how many am I gonna leave blank this time? Honestly, today's paper went better than trials. But trials was so bad I didn't go take back my paper. I don't wanna look at my score. Idw to know how bad I failed it. Because of A2, I broke my policies and took fucking drugs to control shit pathogens, pain. I fucking ignored the pathogens, and literally fucked sleep. I've missed my bed.

Yes wood, you're right. A2 changes people. This much? Lol we never know. Can I die ? I didn't even wanna die this bad when you broke up with me. When you left, I thought again and again, how to live the rest of my life without you. But A2 Math? I really...... fucked. Stupid A2 made my face full of shit pimples. Stupid A2 made me wanna cry everyday.

Is this what I want? Degree would be worse, man. Maybe no, cuz I've saw the course subjects. We're going to have statistics, but not PURE MATH and MECHS all this fucking shittards. I can do stats. I can do that. One will be hard but still, it's better than having four. I will never ever find a job related to math. NO. Degree wouldn't be worse because there's not much math. I can handle chem and bio much better. Yeah I did fucked chem that day. But...... Idk, At least I don't think I left half the paper blank. I did left half the paper blank for math. I fucked chem by not knowing how to do one whole page. Maybe it's not that fucked after all. After having math, this is really, the definition of "fucked".

I seriously can't tolerate myself. Why did I allow myself to do this? Degree wouldn't be worse. But I have to do my best. I have to meet the requirements, then work even harder for degree so shits wouldn't repeat. YH please never ever leave one entire subject aside until the day of exam. I underestimated math. I underestimated A levels.

I don't think I can fail chem. Paper 5 was ok, paper 4 was quite fucking hard. But I don't think I'd fail chem. I might get an ugly score but I won't fail that.

Math? If I failed that, I have months to prepare for the retake. And for that I'm gonna math every fucking day. I'm gonna work my ass off and make sure I get a better score for math. Fuck this shit. Math isn't hard, it's the will. I don't feel the importance of it, I hate it that's why. That's why I couldn't do it.

The thing is, I could. 

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