Ipoh.

We finally went Ipoh. Guilts finally gone from that Saturday night. It was tiring. I forgot to bring my pillow. Disaster. Mom was a very unsteady driver. She couldn't get use to speeding, she drove so.... Unsteadily.

The first thing I did in my grandparents' house was killing an average sized cockroach with a freaking twisties' empty package. Ew.

We visited granpa but he was unresponsive. Then we went for dimsum in grandma's first recommended place. Fucking delicious. Fuck. Then food, then food. And food. Oh my. Then.... Oooh I got myself nice earrings again! Back to grandpa.

It was cray. Everyone was having battery crisis. I was the only one who had powerbank, and my sister used it up. Zzz. It was cray. I had terrible muscle pain in both arms due to push ups, in both legs due to crazy lunges and high jumps, & running, right arm problem due to overwork again. And the right palm. Why? I had no idea for that. Feeling like a damn OKU. Still satisfied with yesterday's badminton.

This time we stayed longer in the hospital. My cousin, Sweet was there. She's so pretty. Damn. We talked bout loads of stuff. Studies to jobs to what we're up to recently then to sports and to friends. She said she went to Kuching for four days and her dad only asked where she went at the last day. Crazy. Then curfews. "Don't you have curfews?" I do. I do. Sis actually mentioned she knew. Oh my god. She said right after that day I threw up, she's more sensitive to the smell of beer. So she could smell it whenever I drank. And she said, there was once it was obvious, I got home, with the lights on, and the door of our room left ajar, I layed on the floor, knocked out. Actually, I do remember this happening. But she saw???? Omg. Somehow... Thanks for not telling dad. Hmm. Very crazy discovery.

I sat at a single seated sofa in between grandpa and the visitor couches, which is facing the curtains. It was lucky that I caught one moment that grandpa opened his eyes. So everyone rushed over to talk to him. "Pa, everyone's here, can you hear us?" He nodded a little. "Are you hungry?" He shook, then eyes went shut again, as if it takes all his energy to open both eyes.

The aim is to visit grandpa. But I think, most of the time we walked around and hunted for food, so much good food, fattening AF.

All the way home, I was thinking bout loads of stuff. Bout everyone I know, everything they said, what's gonna happen in the future, what's gonna happen when I get my results, when I get a job. Are they gonna stay? Then I thought of dad. All dad's friends are either married or divorced. They hike every weekend. Maybe they are gonna stay once things are settled down, when the little ones grow up. Trips still happened. Everything is possible. Mom's squad also hiked. Maybe the squad would split, but as long as everyone has the will, I guess they'd meet annually. Like a CNY reunion thing. Updates, and yeah things might go well and back to crazy.

I think I get why the topics were like that.
I think I know what to do. Or am I overthinking again?

No... No no. No. I'm supposed to notice when things are going right. Fuck. Wait.
Ok these days my mind aren't going right. The voices seemed like they're coming back.
Terrifying.

Wood's replied to my snaps more often this recently, but I don't think he's affecting me. He's concerned, and that's sweet. Sometimes, I thought, what if I got into Inti this year Aug? We gonna be in the same uni. He'd bring me around to tour the campus. He'd become my friend. What should I do? Treat him like a new friend? Or reject any requests he tries to do? He's just a kind person, he'd to that even if I'm not his ex. But what's gonna happen? Will we get to know each other new again? Are we gonna be awkward? Is it possible that the thing we had revives? Too many questions, I couldn't continue my sleep in the car.

"Bring yourself out of the sadness, and try to accept new chances."

Could wood be one? I'm not sad anymore, right? Am I? He says, it's easy cuz I don't talk the same when it's related to him.

So messed up. So messed up.

What do you mean by if he could handle? Sometimes I think, there's nothing he couldn't handle. But that's not really it.
I'm curious af. And a little worried. Please don't be anything scary.

Tomorrow would be a scary day. A battle for someone. A scary thing would be revealed. I wish nothing goes wrong. I wish it goes ok, and the scary thing turns out to be not scary at all.

Zzzz.

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