Circles

"I have no idea yet."
"Then figure it out."

"My plans are doing this for now."
"You should reconsider that."

It's fun when nothing's going wrong. When everything's perfect, I'd like to snap. I always thought, we should take a very complete group photo. It's very hard when the group is big. It's hard to even make sure everyone arrives. Like my coursemates. The last paper was math. Everyone attended, of course! The science students and econs students finally meet up, but was it done? Nah. Why is it hard to capture the perfect moment? Maybe it's just not possible?

They're no big deal, actually. But time is the culprit. It moves so fast, we forget. We forget that things used to be like that. We remember the newer great times that some peeps go missing one by one. Good times.

We keep this love in the photograph.

Maybe it doesn't have to wait till the boys find their loves. Time, dramas can split them sooner before their perfect matches show up. Even before my degree starts.

I miss saying "I'm hapi". It's worrisome. When I dine with them, and hear very unobvious stuff in canto. Definitely drama that they tried to keep it low. But bro. I understand canto. Smartasses know how to gossip. They just say them all, without mentioning the names. I'd quietly make guesses, then attempt to get some confirmation.

He had diminished issues with her.
Then minor issues within the other her.
Then major issues with the boys.

Oh my god.

I always thought about peeps around me. The ones that know all about my recent stuff would be... Yip man, pineapple, moon and arrogant. Those that I update once awhile, Lychee, seaweed, lcw, drama queen, my cousin. Those that do care but doesn't know a lot, wood, and maybe ET. Yeah he does.

It's small circles usually between just two of me and any of them. Many circles. It's less dramatic when they all don't know each other.

Sometimes I think, the knot between the boys aren't looking good at all. It all looks ok when you don't know, but when you're told, you could sense the ice, the inner shit wars. Big groups are mad. Sometimes I think it's okay to have a knot. It's life, man. Natural selection. As long as you're good with your real circle, then it'll be good. They'll be there for you and it's okay no matter how groups split, cuz the group aren't real anyway...... It's like one day if the March intake girls and Jan intake potatoes split. It's no big deal. It's a big group, sugar coated happy family but actually small circles within......

Is my negativity kicking in?
Oh shit. But it's true fact! Big groups are meant to physically hold us together. And if we don't click, it's okay. Just like if the Balau peeps split. Balau-ans were never one team anyway......

I'm trying to be positive you see.
Balau can split. But yip man will always be my bestie. My own little circles will stay tight. That's the best thing life can give.

When everything is going right, we don't notice.
But when things fall apart, we react.
Maybe the key to happiness,
Is just noticing.

So let's accept it. Big groups will split. In many ways, it will. And it's okay when it happens.

Maybe this was also one of the reasons I'd see Moon and ET differently, but maybe no longer that way. No longer that way just right after seeing how it really is. They do have big groups. But not all of them are that kind. Seems like small circles in big groups are inevitable. If one person has a group of 10 friends with ALL equally extremely close, that I call a freaking miracle.

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