Characterless

I found myself needing to draft, from time to time. Why? Why am I scared to put real stuff up? It's my blog.

I don't know how often you read them. I don't know how accurate you can guess the real stories about what I wrote here. Even if I wrote them without character, you might guess. And you might guess correctly.

Once again I'm sorry for keeping certain stuff to myself. Priority list changes. For me, maybe... he will be out of the priority list but somewhere really really special that no one could ever replace. Then he, he is slowly climbing up.

I had to remind myself, do not treat guys as besties. Because once friendship gets crazy close, it might spark. Then friendships get ruined. It's a special case for this guy. I think he's one of my closest friends already, but this one would never spark at all! Ha. No idea what gave me this thought, but he'd friendzone me and I'd friendzone him so it would be a win win friendship situation. But other guys aren't like that I guess.

Once you treat him as a bestie, he might fall for you. Then the reason you could tell him everything...... Disappears. He wants you, your life, he wants to be with you that's why. So if you reject, he might just run away. You lose a bestie. Heartbreakingly..

Everything's possible. Even when I thought someone brotherzones me. Sisterzones me.

I'm not sure what you're gonna guess this time. But.... I hope you understand. Sometimes... It's the security level that changes the order of priority lists. Maybe I couldn't tell you as much anymore. I hope you don't simply set conclusions in this because I'm not just talking about one guy in this post.

Trust and comfort level could go down. It went down quite a lot because of... Stuff. I think it's not wrong for having someone else climbing up to the top. Sometimes I'd hope you don't read them this frequently so I can write whatever I want. It's like...

I'm not sorry. I'm just... I duno.

It's different when you hear stories from both sides. He says this, he says that. You listen to both sides, then make your decision that you thought it would be the best. Like when you're in the middle, listening to what she said then what she said. You get worried because you sense the distant between the two. But in this case, not distant, more like.... Opinion difference. You did what's best. Then it sounds like you ruined it all. Then you receive some shit talk that doesn't make any sense.

I know what's gonna happen, man. You didn't expect that, but I did. It's the consequences, so don't be guilty. That's not your problem anymore. That's mine. When the words are out, I know what would happen. When one photo is sent, I know. But maybe I didn't know you would be that quick, but I knew what you'd do. He didn't mind. So settle down, don't hope for the best.

"What can I do? It's a process."
Yeah it's a process.

I'm thankful he didn't tell me that he had feelings for her that even before he left me. I couldn't get any more broken. Haha. The guy I thought I would spend my entire lifetime with, developing feelings for another girl when we were facing hardship. Was it a coincidence then? Or like he said, he was finding an excuse to put me away? It doesn't matter anymore. Thank you for telling me just earlier this year.

You bursted my bubble. I told myself, good guys exist, but you and I couldn't be together because we spark too much, we combust. I used to tell myself, I'm secured with you. I believed you wouldn't do anything with girls behind my back. I guess I was wrong. I was always wrong about you anyway.

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