.

What are you doing after this trip?
Fall into crippling depression.
I laughed, then realized, he wasn't kidding at all.

I realized, shits happen when people starts overthinking. There was a time, I thought I was overthinking the whole situation. It wasn't completely because of me overthinking anyway. We've gone tru hardshits. He was stressed. The stress passes down to me. Therefore I was stressed.

One very fucking sad song with a fucking emotional music video triggered it all. I was being desperate. That probably annoyed him. The more he avoids, the more I thought, I was losing him. So I was right.

I did wrong. What's the point realizing you did wrong after every shit you've done?

I can't say that I don't ever punch my rage out of everything. I never punched blood out of my fist tho, this is definitely new. When wood was with me. When I was fucking depressed without wanting anyone to know, I got my fist swollen. Haha. Boys will be boys. I can never tell much about him. I'd ruin his image towards my fam, and he wouldn't like that. So I guess I chose to tell the walls. Walls wouldn't hurt people. It hurts me back. Haha. Good wall.

It stopped happening for a very long time. I can't remember the last time I got my fist swollen. Oh well,

Idk what's happening out there. I'm at my comfort zone. My room, my paradise. Maybe mom's ran away from home. She did that all the time anyway. Such a fucking great way to escape. If I were her, I wouldn't drive myself somewhere alone to cry. I'd get myself some drinks, I'd get fucking happy and spend a night alone, maybe. She's just pure dumb.

No one's gonna be there for you. You gotta be there for yourself.
Yeah someone's gonna be there for you. But eventually, they get tired of your bullshit. So if you don't pick yourself up, nobody will.

This is what my first breakup taught me anyway.
Your first love is the first one who breaks your heart.

In your case, that would be dad.

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