NOTE TO SELF.

No no, don't spam fb. Please don't, that's gonna take so much time. I don't have time. Blog will do. One post, and go back to bio.

I guess I was right. If you lost that benefit in someone's life, they'd throw you away. When it's no longer fun, when misunderstandings cleared.

You don't go back to whoever that broke you. Yeah. You don't go back begging him to return. He'd tell you to fuck off, tell you that you're annoying, and give the best letter, everyone knows that letter. Such a perfect memory.

And when you realize that he's not worth your effort, you leave. Chin up, chest out. You go back to normal. You try to let go. Then suddenly he realized, he missed you. He missed everything you did when you showed how much you care.

Once again, life has proven. Facts will be facts. There are no miracles. Fantasies will be fantasies. Five minutes of fantasies. Do not make promises. Cuz nothing lasts. Nothing at all. Even temporary is shorter than you imagine.

I will always love you, till death do us apart. I remember that. I always remember. Things changed eventually. He dumped me. That is death. It did us apart. Hahahaha. Then ? I changed. It can no longer hurt me. Then, he wants it back. I said no. He accepts. Therefore we are back to how it's like: badminton buddies. So perfect. Right? We both changed. A lot tho. It will always be a fantasy. Wood, you're the best. You're still fucking awesome. But after what we went tru, no you're not the best. There's no such thing as the best. The best would be badminton. Hahahaaha.

I have too many bad habits. That includes checking on people who doesn't give shit.

What can I do? Check. Check, and don't make it known. Don't let them know, but just check. For what? I duno. At least it makes me feel better. Check, sometimes get the worst disappointments. But at least all is well.

I don't even know why I drafted. Am I scared of you seeing it? I don't have to be. It's my board. It's my space. "I don't fucking care." Then act like it! Even arrogant maintained our streak. For what? He doesn't care. But he was awesome enough to tolerate my bullshit. He was awesome enough to still talk. I remember he said he hated chatting cuz it was a waste of time. But I don't sense that annoyance in his tone at all.

I sensed that in yours.

That tells a lot! It tells, everything is nothing.

What happened?
Nothing. Cuz everything happened turned to nothing so in conclusion,,, nothing happened. HHAHAHAH.

Don't think so much, it'll be fine they say. If you say no and he keeps on then it's his problem. If you say no and he leaves then wow. Okay bye. If you say no and he makes an effort, still wow. Fuck the world. I'm supposed to be frustrating about the last chapter and now?

I used to hate wood telling me "Bye" "K" "Fuck off" "Shut up" sometimes I thought I might be immune to them. Sometimes I started using on people that I can sense their irritation whenever. Is it fun to do that? Tbh I realized he stopped using them. Haha. When was the last time? I don't even remember. He went friendlier. He went badminton buddylike. Sometimes I think he looks down on my friends. I look at him, thinking how unhappy I am towards that shit, and he knows. He knows, and he tells me, he didn't look down on them, it's just how I can improve more when I play with girls with this high standard. Priorities, wood. Priorities.

I wanted time. I promised to stop all the bad habits. But have I? I thought I did, from what you can see. I thought I promised to not interrupt whatever you wanna do. So that means.. this? Wow. I'm glad this happens early. I am fucking clear with the situation right now. Good thing I might not be sleeping tonight. I see the end. I see how temporary ends. Hah.

Yh your so called potential besties might not be potential besties. They'd leave after they found out that it's no longer beneficial. They'd leave when they found something else. They'd leave when they regret. You regret. Right?

Potential besties aren't potential besties. Potential temporary besties. Haha. Don't have to feel anything! It's life!!! Let them go. Ok? Let them go. It's too late.

Once you started a wrong habit, there's no turning back so the lesson would be DO NOT START ANY FUCKING THING, just stay away from them. Nothing lasts. Really. Nothing.

Be fucking happy looked ok. At least we all smile when we watch fantasies. Don't cry when K drama ended. It's life.

So much bullshit.

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