Post Taiwan

When I came back from Taiwan, something's changed. I have a feeling that I don't really feel so extreme about stuff anymore. Everything's good in moderation.

I don't have to be obsessed to check on someone just because of a nightmare of him dying. I don't have to think about everyone so crazy frequently just because Im going away, cuz for them, they're still busy, they have work.
I don't even know if that's a good thing. But it happened, so why not?

I've been thinking about the crazy huge incident that happened in Taiwan. Her name's Sus. The prettiest girl in our team. The whole incident of her exploding, everything she's said, the scene that the rest of the team members cried, they all appeared. Everyday in my heart. Honestly it's heart breaking. LA has never had such huge mess happening when I was there. I never witnessed chaos in LA before.

Honestly I was a little off, after shits happened. I don't think I can bear with her words. They seem so right, but so wrong at the same time. It's not right at all, man. We don't create chaos when we're unhappy with the situation. We don't hit people, bash people, just because you care. We all care. Doing things you should do must have a moderation. So you're conflicting yourself.

On the fourth day in Tw. We headed to our hotel by bus, from the campsite, then walked to a Japanese bistro kind of place. It satisfies my heart because I was just craving for alcohol. I'm not sure what we drank tho, cuz the writings were in Japanese. But the girl beside says it tastes like cocktails. Vodka plus juices? Never tried that but it sure tastes good as hell. Then there's the rose ale. It tastes like stout with rose and more gas. Which is good. A great night spent with two Malaysians and seven China peeps. The food was too good. Too fucking good. The topic was cringe worthy. It was a coincidence that six of the girls were from the same camp team. While I'm there with just me in my team. They call Sus "little chili". Yes it's well named. But I didn't like the feeling knowing much bout people talking bad about her anyway. The night was young, but they all aren't drinkers. I had two glasses of the cocktail like drink, plus a glass of rose ale. It wasn't enough. But one of the girls had a glass of cocktail and she started speaking mad. It was so so funny, seeing people get tipsy. It reminds me of crumby. And maybe everyone from ET squad. And I miss them.

The most frustrating moment about shopping for good stuff, is not knowing what to buy. I have quite an amount of people I want to give stuff to. But I only have this little ability. I had to hand carry the luggages. I had to carry my 5kg luggage around and 3kg slingbag. Can I carry more? 10kg to a plane? With so much to walk, I almost died. I bought a bit of stuff anyway. For family, and friends.

I wanted to buy more, luckily I didn't. I struggled to walk. The flight was actually awesome. I had four hours of different views for an evening. Meaning, there was a moment the sun shines right into my eyes, a moment of beautiful sunrise, a moment of city lights. Looking down makes me happy. The city getting tinnier, vanishing. The sea as blue as itself, with the clear blue sky then slowly with fluffy clouds. And when the clouds's shadows reflected on the sea. It's pure beauty. Fucking awesome. There are times when the sky fogs up, that's when everything turns blurred, and the sun shines right into the blurness, soothing our eyes, shaking the damn plane. I swear, I spent half the time on the window, and half the time on my book. I still managed to almost finish my book. It was a good book.

I'm happy to be back. I enjoy being home. The trip was worthy. It gives me new perspectives. It gives me great views. Overall...

But things changed too tho... Here.

I think, the first ones I've contacted after my data worked, was moon and Loong. It wasn't the same. I know, I was pretty busy..

I told my parents about the incident. We ate mamak. I love mamak so much. I miss it.

I created an insta account, and it was empty when I fell asleep without doing anything.

I woke up with my sister's alarm and we were almost late so I sped 140km/h to violin class. I swear I was tired af I didn't feel like going. Violin teacher wasn't being crazy anymore. I'm very very relieved to say. I'm not scared of how he reacts anymore.

I got into contact with a few peeps that we've lost contact. Winner. He was damn different from when we were form2. Then the badminton fucking pro guy. Why would he text me? Lol I was confused, but oh well.

Wood accepted my follow request. SURPRISINGLY. He requested to follow me too! Hmm.

Calvin Yong. The nightmare of my badminton childhood. I accepted his follow request. He texted me, and I allowed him to have my number. Fucking hell. Am I regretting it? I think I am.

Moon wasn't acting right. Sometimes I wonder if it's because of me not treating him right. I didn't text him throughout the trip. I snapped many peeps but I know, I didn't snap him at all.
But when I bought the food. I bought one pack with little ones that I can give out, and another pack with three packs inside. I felt like I want to give the three to top priority. And I'm certained, I wanna give the bigger one to him. Up to now, we didn't have a normal convo. Isn't that weird?

Sometimes I imagine. If I go to degree, and get a workload that tires me out more than the camp does... Am I gonna cut off contact with everyone in my life? What about them?

So, what do I do now?

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