.

Sometimes I look in the mirror, and I talk to myself from the inside.

You are a zombie. You are a zombie. You are a freaking zombie. You're a heartless, brainless zombie. Look at your dead eyes. Oh look at that. Zombie.

My dead eyes still.

Sometimes I look in the mirror, and inside, I go, mm I look fine. A little smile will do. Yep, fine as usual. Like nothing happened. Very fine. Yup. Life is a pain in the ass, and we're much tougher than that. We're very tough. We live. Living is so hard but look at me, I'm here. Hah. Hahhaaas what worse could happen when the worst has already happened? Nothing else can break me. Hah. Try me, seriously. Life, come at me.

More like everything can....

I don't remember myself being this weak piece of shit. Crying at stupid shit things. I don't remember myself being so shit, I don't remember myself being triggered by just one word, and my night could be ruined.

Why do I care? It wouldn't be any big deal if I give zero fucks. I reject people, heartlessly. I spoke to half-blood prince like he has no heart. Like he was that creep. Be it. Leave. I'm used to these kinds of things. Why do I bother myself when I think it's wrong whatever I did to you?

I always tell myself. Don't get used to anything, so I have nothing to lose. It's too late. It's too late.

Over and over again.
Was it unreasonable? Was my decision unreasonable? It wasn't, I think it wasn't. But it probably hurts you. And that matters. And Idk what to do. Cuz insisting it would be painful for awhile. But if the wrong goes on forever, it'll be so hard to heal. It'll be so bad. It'll hurt really bad. Just if, if things go wrong like not we planned.

Think about it. Things always go wrong. We can't help it. We can do some things to lessen the impact. To make it hurt less. Things never go the way we plan.

Do you know what wood used to say?
"I'm definitely marrying you."
There was a time, he told me to fuck off.
It hurts so much I don't want to remember.

I believe we will not go tru all that shit. But I believe, things wouldn't go as we planned too. I don't know. Will you be temporary? I hope not. but not my decision. No matter how, I have to do what I need to do.

Was it unreasonable? At the end, I still think, it's the best for us.

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