ABRSM

ABRSM Grade 8 Guitar. I wore a white collared top, exactly like librarian uniform but just prettier, plus black pants. My hair looked like shit so I braided it. It made me realized that braiding is actually a way to prevent it being annoying. I shouldn't have cut off my hair. I should've just braided it for the competition. Maybe I can braid them everytime I badminton. That would be comfortable.

We got to the wrong hotel but luckily the right one was just five minutes walking distance. I was late. I held the case with my right hand. Hands trembling. You know.... The feeling after lifting heavy objects, then using chopsticks. It trembles. The waiting room was full of people. I practiced quietly, I thought, "I'm dead." And I was called.

The examiner is a while man. He seems nice, but that doesn't stop the shakiness on my left hands. "Let's start with scales." I think I did good. Better than during class. Yeah... even for the dominant and diminish scales. I did good. Three songs? I didn't do too well for Sonata due to the shakiness. My HANDS SHAKE. FUCK. It was too cold. Luckily not as cold as during class. I had training: low temperature tolerance. Really, luckily. It taught me to play under extreme conditions. Second piece, I did great on Sor. The expression stuff are done ok. I did whatever I was trying to do. So I hope I get a 29 for that. Please give me a fucking 29. Or 28. English suite was deadly. It was a bad start. My mind went blank. But the muscle memory was there. I restarted and it was ok. Let's hope he doesn't deduct much from that mistake. All was ok. But the second part.... I wasn't putting enough expression on it. UGH. No excuses, I didn't have enough practice. I fucked sight reading. FOUR SHARPS. FUCK YOU MAN. WHY. Why did he do that to me. He looked so kind. But evil as FUCK. I fucked sight reading. It was a good start and a good ending, but in the middle it sounds like 21th century piece. Fuck that shit. Aural.was bad. I fucked cadence. I thought I would do well on cadence. I overestimated myself. That was my fault. I didn't give myself enough practice on that. That was my fault. Singing lower part was ok. That's the only part I can get a full mark. But the rest..... Features, I said weird stuff again. I'm probably half correct. Maybe I can get 3marks there. Fuck.

Overall, I should pass. But no more high distinction. Terrible. I'm happy it's over but. I'm disappointed how I did for aural. I could've done better. Not sight reading. I couldn't do anything about four sharps. I was confirmed dead.

The grab driver took a long time to finally accept me. Then to drive me back. It was pretty jam. We weren't speaking at first. I broke the ice by asking random questions, then it was silence. We were both bored so he broke the ice again. Hmm. Is it so hard to strike a convo? He thought I was a uni student. I guess dressing up formal would make me look older? Then here we go. He was actually talkative. Shy guy I guess. He probably has a wife. And kids. Thanks for the advice bro. I'd think about, and do some researches. He asked bout my direction. I said it bravely, because I'm probably not gonna see him in the future anyway. Come, bash my dreams. Surprisingly he didn't. Sometimes it's us who judge others. It's us. I assumed everyone in this world would judge me and bash me whenever I say what I'm up to, what course I'm heading towards. But they didn't. Park wil didn't too. They said, it's not bad. They encouraged me. So thank you, very much.

It's tiring. I think there's so much to be done. Finally. The second last day dad has to talk to me bout exam. I really hate him asking me. I hate anyone asking me. He doesn't see me much. But everytime he sees me, his words are "Are you ready for exam? Did you memorize? Did you this, did you that, blahblahblah...." It's fucking annoying. What do you expect? It's grade 8 exam and I'm not gonna memorize? Of course I would! And when i practiced, he'd be like "Oh no you're dead. You wanna pass with that?" Do you hear me play? Go take exam. Quit talking to me. This is the fucking reason I insisted not learning under him. Would you mock your students, or would you mock your daughter? You see me briefly striking the strings in front of the tv. Am I playing in the fucking exam hall? No then stop saying like I should. Ugh.. I'm sorry for throwing tantrums on anyone who talked to me bout the exam. It's really annoying. Don't tell me how much I should score for each session. Don't tell me how to live my life. Don't tell me even if it's not guitar exam. Any exam. I'd prefer the type of support mom and sis gives. She asked me. Did you bring this, did you bring that. She'd ask me, are you hungry? Go study I'll heat up soup for you. I don't need more pressure. I need you to understand when I need to burn the midnight oil, not to disrupt your sleep but just to work hard. And she understands.

Badminton is love. But I'm not doing well on drops recently. Really bad. I didn't even smash much today. I feel 90% always irritated. I have no idea why. Wait I actually know. Like I told arrogant. I hate that a lot.

Cinnamon's appearance changed a little. Honestly I thought she looked better before. But ah it was just me who got used to her previous looks. Ooh today is a special day. I met Andrea and Jeanne. I actually talked to Andrea even tho we weren't close at all in class. Had some nice updates, then I asked her, is that Jeanne? She confirmed it. Yas I thought my eyes weren't right. And she waved from the court. Ahh. So long time no see I almost forgot her full name. A librarian friend, which I'm like 200 times closer with her than with Andrea. I'm hapi she asked me to join her on the following Wednesdays. I would really consider that.

It's a tiring day.

I accidentally ate a little bit. Luckily Loong helped with the Loh mee. I actually put half the portion into a bowl and asked him to pick(they both were almost the same). Cinnamon's sick. Sed life. Everyone's sick! Whyyy. Even wood....

Honestly I think I really should get rid of the diminish. It's not right. The gestures. No. It's nothing.

I should get my priority right. I'd love to go to Japan, with my fam. Because fam is love. And it's such a crazy great opportunity! I've always wanted to participate dad's exhibitions. It's gonna be sooooo cool. This time it's ESP and takamine. Fuck. I'm going. It's just one week. I'll be back. Yeah. It'll be awesome. I know that ET squad, moon squad, they'll always be here. Something tells me that appreciation is important. But fam and friends, there must be certain fixed portion.

Yh. Fuck everything. Life is awesome.

Share this post